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>“can I hel…” I begin to say
>before I even finish speaking she socks me square in the gut, completely knocking the wind out of me
>I double over, pretty sure one of my lungs just collapsed
>grill says “hey faggot” in the most casual of tones
liverbeginstoshutdown.mov
>grill walks straight past me dragging a medium sized black travel suitcase behind her
>brain is still midway through reboot sequence
windows98startupsound.midi
>I turn around to face the grill, who has settled her suitcase against my sofa and is now studying me on the floor while my organs haemorrhage internally
>she looks at me, no emotion on her face, like some sort of feminazi death robot
>”bet you regret sending me to the wrong address now don’t you?”
>”button!?” I stutter at her as my lungs recover from bruce lee death punch
>she turns towards me, “surprise” she exclaims in an exaggeratedly enthusiastic tone
200lbsofhowandwhat.zip
>so many questions
>my brain feels like a downy on cocaine; firing really quickly, but not quite in sync
>some things click kinda quickly though to give myself credit… particularly the voice masking all these years
>“why?” I ask
>”because you made me drag that suitcase 2 blocks further than I needed to”
>well I figured that part, “I meant why aren’t you a dude!!!???”
>”I still might be” she retorts dryly
>I can’t help but glance at her crotch, checking for a bulge… if she/he is trap then it’s best trap I have ever seen, pretty confident it’s not trap though… pleasedontbetrap
>“why pretend to be one?” addressing the elephant in the room directly
>“Why do you think? You browse 4chan, you know what the internet is like” she says flatly, “Easier to just be another one of the bros than have to deal with all the ‘hurrdurrtitsorgtfo’ bullshit”
>solid logic, kinda understand, but doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’ve been lied to… in the best possible way?
>besides, brothers introduced her to guild all those years ago, they obviously knew
>wouldn’t be surprised if it was their idea… kind of a protective thing maybe
>decide to finally turn off the anime that I had playing, feel slightly more masculine now that “NOTICE ME SENPAI” isn’t being screamed every 10 seconds
>so far I have been completely caught off guard, I try to regain a little control of this crazy-in-the-best-way situation “would’ve been nice if you dropped this on me a couple of years ago”
>“and if I had’ve, do you honestly think that nothing would’ve changed between us?”
>“ofcour…”
>she cuts me off for the second time, “bullshit anon and you know it”
>by this point brain has now ditched the coked up downy and is functioning normally
>which means I’m starting to realise some things, namely that for the last four years I have been playing with and swapping all my secrets with a grill
>and not a cheap George Foreman either… this is some premium quality grill!
>my inner thoughts are starting to resemble an angsty teenage drama with phrases like ‘do I even know you?’ and ‘how could you do this to me’ floating around
>in the end I decide that the best course of action is to just calm the fuck down
>I consider myself pretty down to earth, and so without asking too much I can understand why she/he might do something like this
>I think what gets me more is that she/he never told me and left it until now
thingscouldbemuchworse.flac
>after all my best friend has turned out to be a badass, no bullshit but oh so delicious just legal girl straight out of a fucking YFYL thread
>instantly regret (kind of) having that thought, as it basically proved her point
>she is right though, this does change things and not just how I view her… this changes everything
>“ok so what now?” I ask as bluntly as possible while staring directly at her wagyu grade perfectly marbled ass as she browses through my kitchen
>“well your fridge is practically empty and all I can find in your pantry is fucking 2 minute noodles” button says as she closes the pantry door and turns around to face me from the other side of the room
thankgodshedidntseethespaghetti.ini
>try as hard as I can to scope out her tits via my peripheral vision but the hoodie is too thick and all I decide on is ‘medium’
>she looks me right in the eyes, no real expression on her face… just a kind of neutral, half expecting, maybe-deep-in-thought stare
>oh god… those eyes!!!
>“we can order pizza? Or would you prefer I stood here some more while you keep undressing me with your eyes”
spaghettiforminginpockets.mp3
> yep it’s definitely no-bullshit-button and if I don’t do some fucking damage control pronto then I’m going to be eating spaghetti for weeks
>I try to think of something witty to break the ice
>”I can’t decide if you’re a B cup or a C cup” I remark as I raise an eyebrow
>hope I didn’t just add a healthy serving of meatballs to the situation
>button looks at me for a bit and then gives me an honest smile before walking over to my computer and dropping into my chair
>she begins pulling up pizza hut’s online ordering…
thinkinaileditmaybe.rar
>I go and sit on my couch just across from her
>fucking big couch btw
>try to make some small talk, “do your brothers know about all this? Staying here?”
>“of course”
>“and they were ok with it?”
>button lets out a frustrated sigh and turns to say something but I interject before she has a chance “yeah ok, you’re not a princess…”
>she cuts me off, “I’m your best friend anon” she says while entering in my address details for delivery
>”except now you have a pair of tits” I add swiftly
>”I always had tits…”
>”yeah but I didn’t know about them”
>I’m trying to gauge her responses, don’t want to overstep myself
>definitely a lot of tension in the air, still a lot of questions on my behalf
>button turns to me with a look of sarcastic curiosity, “and how does it make you feel now that you do… anon?”
>no turning back now… might as well go all in, “confused and excited at the same time”
>she smirks at me, “… pepperoni or ham and cheese?”
>”pepperoni” I respond, still cautious… and still scoping her out… trying to remind myself that I’m about 5 years this girls elder and she is walking all over me…
>reminds me of the time I met a cocky little boy on the internet…
>maybe less has changed than I thought
>”you at least acknowledge that this is going to take me a little bit of getting use to… and that I’m going to have some questions?”
>button finishes up with the order and spins around the chair to face me, she slumps back in it, looking quite impassive to the whole situation, “yeah I figured as much, but try not to overthink things…” she begins “I liked the way you treated me as a best mate, I didn’t want that to change, my brothers treat my like I’m made of glass no matter how much I try to prove them otherwise, I never had that problem with you and that’s why I just kept up with it…”
>if this is the button I know, then that is about as close as I will ever get to an apology
>bit of a pause as I mull over what she has said, half of me still wants to be angry and say hurtful things but the sensible side of me can understand exactly what she’s talking about
>I’m trying to convince myself I wouldn’t have thought about her any differently, or treated her differently, or talked to her differently… but I know I would’ve
>I can see button studying me out of the corner of my eye as I try to deal with all of this in my head, like I said I’m a reserved sort of person
>awkward silence
>button fidgets a bit before hopping off the chair and walking to her suitcase, “I’ve been on that countrylink train for nearly 13 hours and I really need a shower” she remarks
>I still have deep thought face on and haven’t replied to what she said yet, seems to be working…
>if only she knew my mind went blank the moment she mentioned shower
mustkeepupperhand.flv
>”say something faggot…” she snaps
>oh shit the jig is up
>I say the first thing that comes to mind, “the bathroom door has no lock” I remark dryly (it really doesn’t)
>she takes some stuff out of her suitcase then looks up at me and says in the most genuine tone ever, “I trust you, faggot” before walking into the bathroom and pulling the door shut
>stare at button’s ass the entire way in, like two overweight kittens stuffed into a silken bag
>goddamnit I should’ve fapped before she got here
>realise before she got here, she was a he
>fapping before he got here would’ve been kinda gay
>but he is a she
>fucking brain hurts, still so much wat
>suddenly very aware of how I look and smell… fuck, should’ve brushed my teeth… walk over to dresser next to bed and put on some good CK cologne, deodorant is in bathroom so this will do
>damnit, already treating this differently
>20 minutes later button is still in shower
>start thinking about what she is doing in there
soapyboobies.tif
>penis starts counting down until liftoff, destination: low orbit
>hear knocking on door
>MISSION ABORT! MISSION ABORT!
>take time getting to door to allow for de-erectification of Apollo 69
>apparently button paid for pizza online, thank god because I had no cash on me…
>guy pulls out two bottles of mountain dew, any lingering feelings of anger are immediately washed away at the site of them
>damn her… she knows me too well
>taking pizza and ‘bottles of lifeblood’ to coffee table when button comes out of the bathroom drying her hair with my towel
spaghettipizza.m2ts
>she is now wearing a… fuck how do I describe it… it looks like a reeeaaallly long grey shirt, comes maybe 2/3 down her silky smooth looking thighs
>it’s reasonably tight at the top and kinda loose at the bottom, definitely just meant as a comfy unflattering casual house wear sort of thing (I think? Fucked if I know a thing about female fashion) despite its bland appearance, she looks stupidly pretty in it
>COUNTDOWN RE-INITIATED, new destination: high orbit
>can’t decide if it’s genuinely just comfortable or if she knows how good she looks in it and she is wearing it deliberately
>quickly place pizza on table and sit down to hide potential trouser python
>“where are the cups anon?” button says as she scans the kitchen
>“top shelf next to the fridge”
whathaveidone.ronpaul
>cups could have been in bottom cupboard… why were the cups not in the bottom fucking cupboard
>completely missed datass opportunity
>button is short enough that she has to get on tip toes just to reach the cups
>might as well make the most of the moment
>shirtdress is just tight enough to reveal beautiful hourglass figure, waist looks like back to front brackets… can’t see that defined ass anymore because no more yoga pants, but I took a screenshot earlier so I can put them all together mentally
>if women were food and models were the equivalent of an artfully plated dish from an upper class restaurant, then button would be a healthy serving of your mom’s favourite home cooked meal
>I’ve dated some rather nice girls previously but button is in a league of her own… she must know it too…
>come to think of it, there is no way this girl would not be getting hit on left right and fucking centre
>suddenly understand even more why she preferred to just be treated as one of the boys
>she could tell an entire battalion of white knights to cut their penises off and they wouldn’t even hesitate
>instantly start feeling like a complete fucking douche for getting all ‘hurrdurrmahdick’ and eye fucking her every time she turns around… this is exactly the reason she was a he up until tonight
>button notices something is up as she sits on the couch and places glasses on the coffee table, “…is everything ok, anon?” she asks expectantly
>feels nice when she calls me by my name and not faggot
>I’m absolutely torn about this entire situation
>”I need a cold shower” I utter under my breath… but loud enough so that she hears it
>button’s not stupid, I know she gets my meaning
>keep staring at pizza box
>dat silence
>button finally speaks up, “I’ve known you for more than 3 years anon, spent most of my free time with you online and not once in that time did you ever hesitate to tell me exactly how you felt or what was on your mind”
>goddamn button… always cutting through the bullshit
>”and now you find out I don’t have a cock and you get all cautious and quiet”
>I think about what she said for a second before formulating a response
>”are you that disappointed I don’t have a dick?” she mocks
>ignore her stab at my manliness
>feels mode engaged
>”I feel like I know two different people, one I’ve known for years and is my best mate, feel super comfortable around… the other I just met and is ridiculously boner inducing attractive… I feel different about each of them, but turns out they are both the same person and I’m having trouble putting the two together and dealing with all this conflicting feel”
NAILEDIT.bat
>still staring at spaghetti box… button doesn’t talk… must be totally moved by my statement
>feels like moment out of anime, start expecting cherry blossom leaves to blow by in an exaggerated gust of wind from nowhere
>button lets out a snort of laughter before throwing her hands to her mouth
>break beta box stare and look sideways at her kinda puzzled
>button bursts out laughing, “that is the gayest thing I have ever heard!!! “
>she hurls one of the couch pillows at me (I don’t know what else to call them? The little decorative ones with no purpose) and hits me square in the head
>button falls backwards on the couch overcome with laughter
>”no seriously… that was awesome… there’s no doubting it now, I know exactly what’s wrong with you!”
>prepare myself mentally to be called a faggot
>button struggles to control herself as she sits back up right and tries to put on serious face
>“you’re definitely a faggot anon!” she barely gets the words out before she bursts out laughing again
>“fuck you” I snap at her
>“apparently I’m not your type”, more laughing
>start hurling a couple of pillows at her, can’t tell if I’m mad or relieved
>button calms down after a bit, “but I kinda get what you’re trying to say”
>finally she is being serious
>“drop the sob story and just say it how it is, I wear big girl pants, I can take it”
>button’s right, things have changed, but a lot of things are still the same
>“don’t over think things… just tell me what’s really on your mind and don’t sugar coat it like a little faggot this time”
>”you barely come up to my should…” I try to defend my masculinity before she cuts me off
>”don’t change the subject”
>fine, but… so many things… where to begin…
>think for a moment before taking a deep breath…
>“… your ass is incredible, what were you doing in the shower? do you know how hot that dress makes you look, by the way are you wearing panties underneath?… oh and how big are your boobs” I let it all out in one long stream
>button doesn’t even hesitate to respond, “it’s my favourite feature; apparently your favourite as well, I was shaving in the shower; didn’t get a chance before I left home, that’s what I was going for; it’s just a bonus that it’s comfortable, there is a 50% chance that I am and 34b”
wasnotexpectinganswers.wmv
>I never truly understood the Gusta face meme until this moment
>“any other questions? The pizza is getting cold anon…” she is enjoying my reaction to her honest answers
>trying to figure out how many of those answers were button just baiting me aside from the obvious panty bait
>shaving what?
>even if some of the answers weren’t serious, I felt like a HUGE chunk of tension had been relieved, clearly she was comfortable with me checking her out and eyeing off her many assets11
>I decide to try casting some of my own bait, “your ass might be incredible but it’s not my favourite feature…”
tipsfedora.mpeg4
>button is now lying on her stomach at the other end of the couch, the bottom bit of the L shape going to town on a slice of pepperoni pizza
>she looks over at me, takes her time finishing her mouthful of pizza and then says “I swear to god anon if you say my eyes I will personally engrave ‘The biggest faggot that ever lived’ on your tombstone right after the ‘Here lies anon’ part…”
>probably should’ve seen that one coming
>”yeah ok it’s your ass”
>next few hours were relatively uneventful but much more relaxed, we argued over which movie to watch; I wanted Aion Flux because haven’t watched in forever
>button wanted Star Trek: Into Darkness because apparently bendy cucumber makes her moist
>needless to say we watched Star Trek
>we spent most of movie just calling bullshit on physics or space related stuff though
>although we both agree that space movies would be kinda boring if they did actually have no sounds during the space battles
>tried to see who could do longest burp using the mountain dew, at least I won that…
>still got called a faggot though
>after movie I notice button is yawning a lot, has been on train since early morning so I set the couch up as bed
>button doesn’t hesitate and gets into couchbed, not sure how comfortable it will be but decide it’s the wrong moment to offer to sleep in my bed with me… believe me thought crossed my mind but I knew it would’ve been the wrong move
>my bed is maybe 3 meters from couch (about 10ft for you fucking imperial faggots)
>I usually sleep naked but gonna have to keep briefs on for now
>deliberately take off shirt and pants while light is on, figure I’d gauge reaction
>head to turn light off and glance at her
>button lying on tummy on couch, arms folded out in front of her, chin resting on hands looking directly at me with an intrigued sort of smile, not even trying to fucking hide it either
>I pause as I’m about to turn off light and look at her, nothing but a sheet draped over her outlining her curvy figure
>those big brown eyes… so much want…
>we just looked at each other for what felt like forever… but was probably only 3.33 (repeating of course) seconds
>button suddenly breaks the silence, “oh no don’t tell me… you’re afraid of the dark?” she says with feigned concern and unintentionally boner inducing cute frowny face
>fuck you button… fuck you
>turn light off and hop into bed
>tell her she’s a cunt
>”at least I’m not a faggot”
>we started talking about random shit, mostly fun moments we had in BF3 when piloting the chopper
>must be because light is off but I feel like I’m talking to my best friend again finally, makes me happy
>think about sharing my heartwarming feelings on this but figure I will get called a faggot again
>conversation dies down, button starting to sound sleepy
>now or never, “why were you going for hot?… with what you were wearing…”
>bit of a pause
>”same reason you suddenly had cologne on when I got out of the shower”
>button is never usually this indirect with answers, can’t figure if its because she’s tired or if it’s her idea of fun
>besides I’m too tired for riddles, ”I don’t think your shirtdress thing made you smell any better” I reply sarcastically
>”I wanted you to notice me… dickhead” she calmly retorts
>well now I just have no idea what’s going on, ”you were far less confusing when you were a boy”
>”so you really are a faggot? Fucking knew it, all that anal talk…”
>”yup, you got me, words cannot describe my disappointment when you turned out to be a girl, I was looking forward to ravaging some cute boy ass” I reply dryly
>a slightly longer pause
>”I could always put my hair up, spray on some of that manly cologne of yours and you could just pretend I’m a cute little boy?” button jests back in a half asleep voice
>I just broke the record for fastest tent pitch in history
>”That’s what best friends are for right?” she adds
>I lay there and think about what she just said
>“…I have the most confusing boner right now” I remark quietly, half hoping she hears me and half not
>”…what’s confusing about it”, she is definitely falling asleep
>”I’m not sure if it’s for boy you or girl you”
notevenjoking.bik
>button gives a tired chuckle at my conundrum despite the fact I didn’t think it was a laughing matter, she then proceeds to call me a faggot one last time just for good measure before rolling over to sleep
>I stay up for another hour or so thinking about how glorious it would be to go balls deep in her ass and bust this king kong load I was nursing in my yoghurt factories
>fell asleep cradling my boner
>fuck you button…
The Story Of Button 